Crop circles are Vin’s way of telling the world that sometimes corn
needs to lie the f*%k down.
If you were to lock Vin Diesel in a room with a guitar, a year later
you would have the greatest album ever, it would sweep the Grammy’s.
When asked why he doesn’t do this Vin replied, “Because Grammy’s are
for queers.” Then he ate a knife to show the seriousness of his
When Vin Diesel jumps into a body of water, he doesn’t get wet. The
water gets Vin instead.
Vin Diesel is not lactose intolerant; he just refuses to put up with
It takes 14 puppeteers to make Vin Diesel smile, but only 2 to make
him destroy an orphanage.
Vin Diesel can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.
In fine print at on the last page of the Guinness Book of World
Records it notes that all world records are held by Vin Diesel, and
that those listed in the book are simply the closest anyone has ever
come to matching him.
The Turkish hate Vin Diesel. Why? Because Vin Diesel killed over 1.5
Million Armenians on April 24th, 1915. He later blamed it on the
Turkish Ottoman Empire who to this day get accused of this crime as
Vin Diesel sits back and laughs at the Armenians.
God created Vin Diesel before Adam, but had to ask Vin to leave
because instead of naming the animals in the Garden he devoured their
bodies and souls.
There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Vin Diesel
allows to live.
Vin Diesel has two speeds: walk and kill.
Vin Diesel was the hunter who shot Bambi’s Mother. He then wore her
carcass like it was a coat while he made his rounds at the local
Vin Diesel played Russian Roulete with a fully loaded gun and won.
When Vin Diesel was born, the nurse said, “Holy crap! That’s Vin
Diesel!” Then she had had sex with him. At that point, she was the
third girl he had slept with.
Vin Diesel can win a game of Monopoly without owning any property.
If you rearrange the letters in ‘Vin Diesel’ it reveals his credo: “I
When Vin Diesel goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe, and
instead requests a handgun and a bucket.
In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Vin Diesel could use
to kill you, including the room itself.
Vin Diesel is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
Vin Diesel once beat Super Mario Bros 3 without even touching his
Nintendo controller. He just yelled at his TV in between bites of his
“Filet of Child” sandwich, and the game beat itself out of fear.
Vin Diesel is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of
Vin Diesel can divide by zero.
When Vin Diesel runs with scissors, other people get hurt.
Vin Diesel cannot be killed by man of woman born.
When Vin Diesel does a pushup, he isn’t lifting himself up, he’s
pushing the Earth down.
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