I lost my golf ball in the poo canal.

I’m convinced, Eskom are out to get me.

Not only have they cut the power at just about every meeting I have been to this week, but now, thanks to Eskom, there is a sewerage overflow that is running into the rivulet in Klein Wassenaar next to Lakeside (a.k.a. my mother’s home). The power outages have a drastic effect on the sewerage system, which is dependent on electric pumps.

As usual my boet and me were having a good 9 hole game of golf on Wednesday evening, and as usual i was kicking his ass.

• The venue: Our local course, the Klein Wassenaar golf range (a.k.a. the field behind our house)
• The caddy/ball fetcher: George (a.k.a Azland), our golden retriever

On the last hole, I chipped the ball with my sandwich club, over the tree top, perfect height, perfect distance, until the wind blew it off course, and plop into the fresh water canal (a.k.a our water hazard), running across the field, she fell.

No worries. I’ll drop a shot. I’ll still beat him.

Azland, the anything-resembling-a-ball addict, darted across the field, a blur of golden hair, was determined to find my ball, and disappeared into the water canal. I followed him, more cautiously. What I saw next was quite disturbing… My golden boy, knee deep in poo. Searching for my golf ball. Get out I yelled. It was too late though, he was crusty, and he stank. And he was determined to find it. After a while I think Azland was even disgusted by the smell, his valiant effort was in vain. He retreated. It was gone.

After I hosed Azland down under the tap back at home, I rewarded him with an old cracked golf ball.